Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize