Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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