I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
We don't watch enough power rangers
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
