How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
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He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
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jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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