Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
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I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
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He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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