I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
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