I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
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