and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize