I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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