He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
