I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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