Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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