Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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