News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
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i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
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You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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