How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
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Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
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I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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