I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Randomize