I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize