Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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