there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize