Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Randomize