I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize