wrigley field is MILF paradise
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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