So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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