Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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