i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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