I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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