I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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