News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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