At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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