What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize