You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
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