I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
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He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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