she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize