Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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