Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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