apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
The air taste purple.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize