i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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