i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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