That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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