Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
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The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
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We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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