Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
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