i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
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Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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