He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Randomize