Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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