If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
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long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
My feet surprised me
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