i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
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