White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
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