I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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