It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
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I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
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How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
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