just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Mom said you looked used
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
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