im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
now i know why i became what i already was.
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Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
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I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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